where the sun don't shine
by xfucktheglasses
Summary: Discontinued.
1. smoked mirrors

Okay, hiiii~ THIS. This was written for SSM, only, well, not this chapter or the next; I actually submitted a chapter from WAAAAAAY down the road. THE POINT IS IS THAT THERE WILL BE GUNS AND BLOOD AND SWEAT AND BAD WORDS AND DEAD PEOPLE BECAUSE I LOVE MAFIA!VERSE.

Also, totally inspired by Samurai-PET's "Gangsta Shit" fanart of Team Seven which THAT was inspired, if I remember their artist comment-thingy, by Reservoir Dogs which is one of my favorite movies. SO YEAH.

**where the sun don't  
shine****  
**

Sakura walked down the quiet hallway, facial expression stony and eyes dead set on the door at the very end of the hall.

Her heels pounded against the cemented floor; the echo was almost like a song. Only almost, if you liked that kind of stuff, anyway. Sakura liked to think of it as the clock ticking and a life being close to wasting away.

Clack.

Clack.

Clack.

A wry smile curved her lips and she tilted her head back , short choppy hair falling over her shoulder and fanning out, behind her almost gracefully; like a death angel.

She could already picture the scene unfolding behind the closed door…

.

.

.

"I'm not going to ask again," he said, "Where is the amulet?"

Naruto snorted, drooping his head down, sweaty blond forelocks sticking to his forehead and tickling his eyelids, blue eyes watching blood drip down to his perfectly white shirt. "Technically, you just asked again, man—joke's on—_ow_!"

His head turned to the side with the force of the punch, a groan escaped passed clenched teeth and—fuck, that one's gonna leave a goddamn bruise. He shook his head and spat towards the floor; blood—it was pure blood.

Naruto turned back to the middle-aged man before him, his eyes hardening with anger at the glower on the man's face. He twisted his wrists and clenched his teeth at the rope-burns that caused. Fuck—he just had to get himself caught, didn't he?

"Give it up, little man," he growled, looming over him. Naruto hated people looming over him. "Give me the amulet, and I don't kill you."

"Yeah, like I haven't heard that one before," Naruto snorted, rolling his eyes and hiding the flinch at the taste of blood in his mouth. "Don't you watch movies, old man? All the bad guys say the same shit and they _still_ try to pull a fast one."

There was a loud click in the air and Naruto didn't have to look up to know that there was a gun pointing right at him—forehead marked—and he was going to die in five seconds because his partner—

.

.

.

Sakura slammed the door open, clicked the hammer and pulled the trigger.

She watched the man fall, the look of utter shock still on his face, even as his eyes slowly went lifeless. Locking the gun, again, she slipped it back into the inner-pocket of her blazer and made to walk towards the idiot in the middle of the room.

He was tied to a chair, and—god—his eye was bruised and swollen and it was closing up, already. Blood oozed out of his nose and his lip and, "God, Naruto, you are so fucking _stupid_."

"Oh, hey, Sakura," he chuckled; it sounded a lot like hysteria making an exit, "I seriously thought you weren't gonna make it, oh my god, I almost _died_!"

She rolled her eyes and crouched in back of the chair, picking at the knots. This always happened; she normally didn't have a problem with it when it was a sketch, but when the idiot unexpectedly got himself caught by the competition or by the enemy, it always sent her on emotional rollercoasters that she had to crisply hide behind a blank mask or they'd both be dead.

Emotional ties were a death sentence, after all.

The knots fell limply to the ground and Naruto was quick to stand up, rubbing at his wrists and spitting blood to the ground.

"Shit, thanks," he sighed, closing his good eye for a second. "I got the amulet—let's just get the hell outta here."

.

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Get ready for a mean spam from me coz my days off are here and I have all the time in the world c;

Please review! :3


	2. manic mondays

Something you should bare in mind as this story, eventually, progresses: things will be stretched and exaggerated. Meaning, things that can't happen in real life MAY happen. And this is the only time I'm saying this. Please read author's notes, they're there for a reason and said reason is to explain things before you end up leaving reviews complaining and accusing and other such things, which some readers do.

**where the sun don't  
shine****  
**

"Does it really look like Mei Terumi is a fool?"

Sakura raised an eyebrow, trying really hard not too lean back in her seat and offend the idiot before her that seemed to have the idea that he was Real Shit. Instead, she settled into trying to keep her polite smile—a mere tilt to the corner of her lips—and try to keep up with whatever bullshit it was he had to say.

"I… Don't believe anyone has offended Ms. Terumi," she said, slowly, tilting her head to the side. "I actually think she is a very beautiful woman."

The man—Ao, if she remembered correctly—seemed to twitch, violently standing up and dropping his chair as he did so. He began to pace the room, hissing and narrowing his sole eye.

"That amulet belonged to us," he declared, after a while.

Sakura crossed her legs, concentrating on the hem of her pencil-skirt as it rode up to mid-thigh. She folded her hands and set them on her lap, taking a deep breath and mustering the courage to say as politely as she could that, "Finders keepers, losers weepers… _Sir_."

She was only allowed a smirk before things got serious.

.

.

.

Uchiha Sasuke walked around his small flat in just his boxers, still dripping excessive water from his shower and leaving a trail wherever he went.

He bit into his green apple and made to walk towards his bedroom when something like an earthquake happened and his front—and only—door was knocked down and a man's figure formed under the minor dust and splinters.

Sasuke blinked his eyes and dropped his apple to the side, watching as the scene became clear and the sight of a one-eyed man straddling and suffocating a woman came into view.

The woman seemed to be fighting back, punching at his arms and anywhere else that her fists could reach. She was making strange noises and it took Sasuke a while to realize that the man was choking her, a gun still in the grip of one of his hands as he tried to strangle her.

He took a step forwards; eyes half-lidded with minor interest.

But then the woman kicked a leg and hit the man right smack and center where he least needed to feel pain. Said man groaned, loosened his grip and swayed above her. She punched him, but he was reluctant to fall off, apparently.

Sasuke found himself walking until he stood behind the man and gingerly reached over and snapped his neck.

He fell over before Sasuke could even blink an eye.

The woman kicked the body off and quickly grabbed the gun out of the dead man's limp hand.

Sasuke paused once he heard a familiar click.

.

.

.

The blood trailing down the corner of her lip was beginning to irritate her. And her back was stinging and aching. But she decided concentrating on getting as much air into her lungs as she could was a far bigger deal to handle.

Her chest heaved as she pointed the gun at the half-naked man before her. Her eyes narrowed as she watched him slowly raise his hands, cocking his head back and raising an elegant eyebrow.

"I wouldn't do that," he murmured, lips barely moving.

Sakura's eyes were slits as she hissed, "Give me one good reason."

He shrugged his shoulders… And said nothing.

They stayed in their position for what seemed like forever and a half before Sakura lowered her hand down, finger still on the trigger, and properly stood up. She began to fix her skirt, lowering it back down so it fell right above her knees and hugged her thighs as it was supposed to. She brushed any kind of dust and splinters off her white polo and fixed her tie before returning her attention towards the man before her.

"Thank you," she said, accepting that he had in fact saved her life. "But I'm going to have to kill you, now."

The look on his face was enough to send Sakura's careful composure into pieces. Her eyes narrowed into slits and her finger twitched to pull the trigger. What she did, though, was point the barrel at him, again, and walk towards him as he continued to stand in place—frozen to keep her from going through with her threat.

She was an inch apart from him, her heels allowing her to reach up to his nose; she stared into his eyes and glared.

"You piss me off," she stated, and then slammed the handle of her gun against his temple.

.

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Please review! :3


	3. pithy summary of personality here

**where the sun don't  
shine****  
**

Naruto groaned, hiding his face deeper into his pillow; he even tried to hide _under_ it but the goddamn contraption was insistent. It vibrated _and _gave a loud, annoying ringtone.

What the hell had he been thinking when he set that stupid song as his ringtone.

He groaned again and blindly slapped his hand around his night table in a poor attempt of finding the offending object.

He flipped it open and brought it to his ear. "'lo?"

"_Meet me at Kakashi's house in twenty."_

Naruto groaned, again; the dial tone was annoying too. He remained in that position for another ten minutes before he made the effort to roll over, bleary, swollen eyes staring at the ceiling.

That spot on the ceiling kept getting bigger; if those stupid idiots living on the floor above him fell through and disturbed his sleep, he was going to flip shit.

He groaned again and rolled around until he was at the edge of the bed. Naruto sat up, then, and scratched at his bare chest as he searched the messy ground for something that looked clean.

Running a hand through his messy blond hair, he stood up and kicked around and tried hard not to damn Sakura for her dire need of his amazing presence.

.

.

.

She wasn't surprised by his entrance.

Naruto was just an idiot.

She was double parked in front of Kakashi's manor, leaning against her car and watching him approach with that speedy-walk of his, hands tucked in his pockets and stupid aviators hiding his eyes. "What the hell are you doing wearing a leather jacket over your sweater? It's seventy-six degrees, idiot."

"I'm fine, thanks, and you," he said, grinning crookedly as he came to stand next to her. Towering over her, he stared at the backseat of her precious Mercury Comet and raised his eyebrows.

"Jesus shit," he said, whistling, "You caught a fish."

"Not a fish," Sakura replied, walking around the car so she could stand next to her prisoner. "He's just… A normal guy—he _did_ save me when Ao tried to pull a fast one."

Naruto tilted his head, straight across from her, bent over and leaning his elbows on the car. "Oh?"

"Yeah—he snapped the fucker's head."

"Ao's dead?"

"He's dead."

Naruto whistled again. "Jesus shit."

Sakura ran a hand through her hair, fixing it so that it evenly parted on the left side, like it should. She felt crusts of blood peeling off with her movements and wrinkled her nose. Ao was a goddamn asshole for pulling something like that.

"Let's get him inside," she said, walking around the car, again, and leading the way into Kakashi's manor.

.

.

.

Sasuke had been awake since before they arrived to wherever it was the little short shit took him. He heard another man's voice—loud and guttural and annoying. He played the part of a simple, knocked-out victim and listened to his surroundings.

He was against a wall, his arms were still bound with threads of what he assumed—as he wiggled his wrists around—were the sheets of his bed. He kept his eyes closed, head drooped, as he began to work his way out of the restrains and half-listened to the other people in the room converse.

By the time he got his hands free, he listened to petty arguments and people getting smacked around more than he actually would have liked.

But they were distracted, and that was enough.

He began to crawl towards them, like a snake. The girl from earlier and the annoying moron were standing; she was leaning her elbow against him as the gorilla spoke about something that didn't interest Sasuke in the least—his entire mind state was about getting out of there, and if that required dirtying his hands—again—with blood, then so be it.

He was standing right in back of them when he stood up and punched the blond moron as he whipped around and grabbed the girl by the arm, twisting it in back of her, almost painfully.

"What the _fuck_," the blond hissed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He had a black eye clearing up.

But Sasuke paid no mind to him; his eyes were locked on the man sitting on the other side of the desk, one hand supporting his cheek, legs crossed and his sole eye on him. He'd been watching his every move, hadn't he? He knew the entire time, didn't he?

Sasuke's eyes narrowed.

"Who do you work for," the man asked, voice as smooth as silk.

Sasuke sneered. "Myself."

"I see," said the man, turning his eyes to the girl, who kept trying to free her arm and get rid of the pain she was in. Sasuke twisted her arm tighter just to hear her hiss. "How about I cut you a deal?"

"Fuck you."

The man chuckled. "It's either the deal, or the twenty thousand men surrounding my house will gun you down before you can even get Sakura to bleed."

.

.

Please review! :3


	4. are you there god? it's me sasuke

**where the sun don't  
shine****  
**

In the end, there'd been no twenty thousand men and Sasuke was played a fool.

But Sasuke wasn't stupid—he was brought into a mess and it was the kind of mess he wasn't going to be able to get out of without blood spilt and his life on the line. And Sasuke couldn't die just yet; he had things to do and people to find. So he took it with stride—he fell for Kakashi's bribe and accepted the position and swore his oath of keeping quiet regardless of anything—death before selling him out.

And that's how he found himself at a bar with the two loud morons.

.

.

.

"Ugh," Sakura groaned, gripping the edge of the bar table and twisting her torso to the left—and then the right. "My back is still killing me—if Ao wasn't dead already, I'd go looking for him, I swear."

Next to her, Naruto snorted, grin lost as he brought the bottle of his beer to his lips. He took a long swig, setting the bottle down on the table with a solid bang. He licked his lips and sighed in satisfaction and twirled in his seat. "So you're part of our little team, now, huh? Pretty legit, don'cha think? That cellphone's for jobs only. Unless you're like Sakura and calls me whenever she needs a dose of Naruto in her life."

"Don't be ridiculous, you ape," Sakura sneered, twirling her glass, still completely filled. "You're the one that always calls me for your stupid bar escapades!" She leaned forwards and spared a glance at Kakashi's new recruit, trying hard not to wrinkle her nose. "Naruto's like a leech—get out while you still can."

But the new guy remained quiet, tracing his finger around the brim of his glass of scotch before he threw his head back and finished the contents in one gulp. He dropped the empty glass back onto the table and nodded his head when the bartender gave him a new round.

"Jesus shit," Naruto whined, running a hand through his hair, massaging his scalp. "Shit like that gives me a fucking migraine."

Sakura rolled her eyes and looked away. And then a smirk replaced her scowl; she was quick to spin around and lean closer towards Naruto, placing her hand to hover over her mouth to keep anyone from reading her lips. "Hey, buddy-boy, don't look now, but your girlfriend's out."

Oh, watching the way Naruto snapped his neck in his search was never going to get old. She tried to hide her laughter behind her hand but completely failed. She turned her head to the side and spared Sasuke a glance, flashing him a wink when he turned his head to see what the hell the commotion was.

God, he was such a prick; and she barely even knew his name.

.

.

.

Naruto was in a whole different world, right then.

He didn't even know her name, but she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever laid eyes on, next to his mother. Just the—just—god, her _eyes_ left him with a dry throat and she was just so beautiful, he could just… God.

His grip on his beer tightened, the cool glass reminding him to come back down to earth before he was too far up. His eyes tore away from her; he hated watching her talk to other men… At least he _thought_ she was talking to other men.

It was her job, but god, how he hated it.

Stupid, he pondered, spinning around to face the bar, again. Stupid to be jealous when she didn't even know his name.

He finished his beer and requested another—round five, if he wasn't mistaken—and continued to watch her from the corner of his eyes.

.

.

.

"As in—initiation," Sakura slurred, pointing a finger towards Sasuke. Or who she figured was Sasuke—she couldn't really think straight. "Youse gotsa paaaaay for us."

Sasuke stared, watching as she poked Naruto's cheek and pushed until she turned his head. The latter's blue eyes connected with his for a brief second before he rolled him in exasperation. He grabbed at Sakura's wrist and set it down on the table as gently as he could.

"Yeah, Sakura, we get it," he said, "Sasuke's gonna pay for us."

Sasuke sighed in complete annoyance and rolled his eyes upwards.

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Please review! :3


End file.
